Your First Time in Therapy: What to Expect and How to Find the Right Therapist for You

Starting therapy for the first time can feel overwhelming. Many people know they need support, but they are not sure how to find a therapist, what to look for, or even how to explain why they want to start.

If that sounds like you, you are not alone.

Dr. LaShon, known for her empathetic approach, engages in a thoughtful conversation with a woman seeking guidance in a supportive and calming environment.

A lot of people delay therapy because they think they need to have the right words, a clear diagnosis, or a full explanation before making that first appointment. They think they need to have it figured out before they begin.

You do not.

You do not have to have it figured out before starting therapy

One of the biggest misconceptions about therapy for the first time is that you need to know exactly what is wrong before you reach out.

You do not need to show up saying, “I have anxiety,” “I have depression,” or “I know exactly what I need to work on.” Sometimes all you know is that you have not felt like yourself in a while. Maybe you have been more overwhelmed, more irritable, more emotionally tired, more disconnected, or just unsure why things feel heavier lately.

That is enough.

Part of therapy is figuring it out together. A good therapist helps you sort through what you are feeling, understand what may be contributing to it, and begin putting language to experiences that may still feel confusing or unfinished.

You do not need a diagnosis to start.

You do not need perfect words.

You do not need to have everything organized before you walk in or log on.

You just need a place to begin.

Think about what kind of understanding matters to you

When you are choosing a therapist, credentials matter. Experience matters. But it can also matter whether the person you are talking to understands the context of your life.

That may include your values, your background, your identity, your health, your relationships, your beliefs, or the kinds of experiences you have lived through.

For some people, it matters that a therapist understands their faith-based values, or understands that they do not want therapy framed through faith at all. For others, it may matter that the therapist understands chronic illness, disability, medical stress, grief, substance use recovery, sexual trauma, family dynamics, or the way race, ethnicity, gender, or LGBTQ+ identity can shape how someone experiences the world.

The goal is not to create a perfect checklist or to find someone exactly like you.

The goal is to find a therapist who can understand important parts of your reality without you having to spend all of your energy translating your life before the real work can even begin.

Sometimes that understanding comes from clinical training.

Sometimes it comes from focused experience.

Sometimes it comes from the therapist’s ability to listen with depth, humility, and cultural awareness.

Whatever the source, it matters.

Therapy should feel like a judgment-free space where you feel respected, safe enough to be honest, and supported in bringing your full self into the room.

Questions to ask yourself when choosing a therapist

If you are not sure how to find the right therapist, it may help to pause and ask yourself a few questions:

• What kind of support am I actually looking for right now?

• Do I want someone who understands a specific issue or lived experience?

• Are there values, beliefs, identities, or life circumstances that I do not want to have to over-explain?

• Do I want someone who is more direct, more reflective, more structured, or more conversational?

• What helps me feel safe enough to be honest?

• You do not need every answer before starting therapy. But these questions can help you notice what matters to you as you begin looking.

• In-Person Therapy or Online Therapy?

  
  

One of the most practical decisions when starting therapy is whether you want in-person therapy or online therapy.

For some people, in-person counseling feels better. They like having a dedicated office space, sitting face-to-face, and physically leaving home to focus on themselves. The structure of going into a therapy office can help them feel grounded and present.

For others, online therapy makes it easier to actually show up. The convenience of meeting from home, avoiding a commute, and fitting therapy into a busy schedule can remove barriers that might otherwise get in the way.

Neither option is automatically better.

The better question is: Which setting helps me show up consistently, comfortably, and honestly?

The most important parts of therapy still matter in both formats. You still want a therapist with the right experience, a style that works for you, and an environment where you feel comfortable enough to be real.

Give it a little time, but know when it is not the right fit

I often encourage people to give therapy about three sessions before deciding whether it is a good fit.

The reason is that the first therapy session often feels different from the ones that follow. The first meeting may include intake questions, background information, and a general overview of what brings you in. It is important, but it does not always give you the clearest picture of what ongoing therapy will feel like.

The next couple of sessions usually tell you more. They help you get a feel for the therapist’s style, how they listen, how they respond, and whether the relationship feels like one where trust can grow.

Sometimes the connection is immediate.

Sometimes it takes a little time.

But after a few sessions, you should be able to ask yourself:

• Do I feel heard?

• Do I feel respected?

• Do I feel safe enough to be honest here?

• Do I feel understood?

• Can I see this helping me do meaningful work?

If the answer is no, it is okay to change therapists.

Not every therapist will be the right match, and that does not mean therapy is not for you. It may simply mean the fit was not right. If you feel comfortable, you can talk that through with the therapist. They may even help refer you to someone else. But if you do not feel comfortable having that conversation, you do not have to stay just because you started.

One disappointing experience does not mean therapy will not help. Sometimes finding the right therapist takes more than one try.

Before you go

If you are starting therapy for the first time, you do not need to have everything figured out before you begin.

You do not need perfect words.

You do not need a diagnosis.

You do not need to know exactly how to explain what you are carrying.

You simply need a place to start.

Whether you choose online therapy or in-person counseling, the goal is to find a therapist who understands your needs, respects your lived experience, and creates a space where honest healing can happen.

And if the first therapist is not the right one, keep going.

The right therapy relationship can make a meaningful difference.

If you are in Florida, Maryland, North Carolina, New York, Ohio, Virginia, or Washington, D.C and you are ready to start therapy, start here and show up just as you are.